I have heard it said that we take good people for granted. And that's true - a lot of times, we completely underestimate how hard it is to do the right thing.
Recently, there has been yet more bad news out of India where women's rights are concerned. A young journalist was brutally and horrifyingly gang-raped in Mumbai. Even worse, she may not have been the attackers' first victim. Even before the rape occurred, an exchange student published a story on CNN's iReport, talking about how the constant and public sexual harassment she faced in India brought on a mental breakdown.
And recently, in the midst of this incredibly horrific news, I found myself in a very impassioned debate on Facebook with a friend who finally admitted that although he doesn't want to apologize for India's problems, he struggles with the trashing. And his comment reminded me of a very wise quote I once read: "when you think something goes without saying, it usually doesn't."
So let me offer my perspective, and in doing so, attempt to give people the credit they deserve for doing the right thing (which in my experience is at least 100x harder than doing the wrong thing.)
I have been living in India for nearly 5 years, and almost every one of those days has been a blessing. I don't know if India is home for me, but certainly, my corner of Delhi is. People have opened their minds and their hearts to me. They've invited me to their houses, introduced me their friends and parents, and in a million ways made a very difficult and foreign environment feel like home. Professionally, I have been given an incredible amount of opportunity. For every person who has doubted me because I don't know India's soils or its smells or its languages (fluently), there has been another one who has said, "Hey, it doesn't hurt to look at the world through someone else's eyes." Sometimes, people have made assumptions about my character or background, because I'm American. And many times, they have been willing to change their minds.
I have known so many, many young men who are deeply passionate about changing this country, and they are a global inspiration. A friend recently forwarded me a video of Nitin Gupta doing a comedy tour in which he talks about Delhi's rape crisis. When he said "the length of a woman's clothes is not the measure of her character" - I had to write it down. And when I saw how enthusiastically the young men and women in his audience were applauding, I cannot lie to you, I almost cried. I know men who have founded organizations dedicated to fighting street harassment. I know men who are mapping India's safest and most dangerous cities. I have been in conversations when men have stood up for equality between men and women, and yet, with an incredible amount of grace and chivalry, gone hours out of their way to make sure their female friends get dropped home safely at night. I have had men - without being asked - interpose their bodies between me and a potential harasser on a public bus.
I'm a journalist, and I've had editors adopt and promote my stories. I've had bosses give me difficult or out-of-town assignments, without worrying, as some idiots do, about "taking responsibility for a woman's safety." Some of my friends are male journalists who have written brave, impassioned and frequent articles advocating for women's rights.
I know guys who don't just preach feminism, but who practice it daily. They treat their mothers, sisters and wives with dignity, equality, openness and respect. And they do it deliberately, even when they grew up with the examples of fathers and uncles who didn't behave the same way. They do it because they have chosen to live differently. And yes, I know a few spoiled, selfish Delhi boys who are too obtuse to question their own privilege - but let's be honest - those guys are a global scourge.
Perhaps because we in India are so deeply aware of India's problems and flaws, we strive to define ourselves in opposition. I don't want to get into cross-country comparisons. But I do know that there are people who are constantly fighting for their ideals, as well as living them, in this country.
I know what you're thinking. "But Anika, what about men who aren't, say, on Twitter?"
Well, all I can say is that I interact with hundreds of such men in a year. From my watchman to grocery delivery boys to garbage pickers. Not one of them has raped me. In fact, some of them are as far from home as I am, and have still gone out of their way to be helpful. Lechery, while it occurs, is really not my dominant impression of India at all.
Now, do some men commit assault? Do they rape their wives? That is a serious possibility. Their wives have no legal protection.
Because the biggest problems in Indian society, when it comes to women's rights and safety, don't affect foreign women, or even photojournalists living in Mumbai or Delhi. Our Parliamentarians are too craven to criminalize marital rape. Although child marriage is illegal, it is widespread, and so under current laws it is legal to rape a child, provided that child is over fifteen years old and your wife. One of our so-called leaders, in a now-infamous remark, conflated romance with stalking. Surveys have suggested that marital rape is endemic in India - and occurs at higher rates than in other developing countries. The men who attacked the photojournalist may have raped four rag-pickers in the same spot previously - and if they had gone on raping destitute, ignorant women forever, they might never have been caught. The rapes in Mumbai, like the one in Delhi, occurred in well-known, public parts of the city. The police were absent, doing God-knows-what. In Sonia Faleiro's "Beautiful Thing," most of the bar dancers she profiles - poor, stigmatized women - have been raped and gang-raped repeatedly and brutally, and have no recourse. When, after the Delhi rape case, the investigative magazine "Tehelka" interviewed dozens of rural and urban men about rape, they found that some men consider it their right to rape ethnic minorities, villagers and tribal women. Some reports suggest that in the Indian state of Kashmir, rape is regularly used as a weapon of war.
In a society that regularly fails to protect its weakest citizens, women and children suffer the most.
So. In sum. We in India have a serious problem and it requires an urgent solution. We cannot keep neglecting half the population and still move forward as a society. We cannot continue to effectively ignore the poor and the marginalized, and expect to reap growth eternally (growth, at least, appears as distant as a fever-dream right now).
When I decided to move to India five years ago, my mother warned me about the gropers. She sighed and said (almost dismissively) that every Indian girl had at some point been groped, grabbed and/or attacked. A female relative who was present at the time agreed. And honestly - I refused to believe them, and I'm glad I did. Because that, while hideous, is not the only reality. And although she told me about the many brilliant, amazing and compassionate men she'd met in India, she didn't tell me about those who are speaking out against sexism, racism and assault. Daily. It is a difficult task. It is a mission we could all support far more vocally - men and women alike.
To foreign women planning to visit Delhi - be prepared for the fact that anything might happen. Assault is not by any measure a guarantee, but it is a possibility. If you live in a major American city, you're probably already prepared for this reality. For men, the world is an oyster. For women, too often a warzone. But it is wrong of me not to point out that for all of its ills, there are people - many of them men - who are willing to sacrifice their time, effort and comfort in the selfless hope of a better world for their mothers, friends and daughters. Those kinds of men exist everywhere, and Delhi is no exception to that rule, either. You can have a beautiful time here, and it can be home to you also.
---
This post was republished in the September 6, 2013 edition of "India Abroad" magazine.
Recently, there has been yet more bad news out of India where women's rights are concerned. A young journalist was brutally and horrifyingly gang-raped in Mumbai. Even worse, she may not have been the attackers' first victim. Even before the rape occurred, an exchange student published a story on CNN's iReport, talking about how the constant and public sexual harassment she faced in India brought on a mental breakdown.
And recently, in the midst of this incredibly horrific news, I found myself in a very impassioned debate on Facebook with a friend who finally admitted that although he doesn't want to apologize for India's problems, he struggles with the trashing. And his comment reminded me of a very wise quote I once read: "when you think something goes without saying, it usually doesn't."
So let me offer my perspective, and in doing so, attempt to give people the credit they deserve for doing the right thing (which in my experience is at least 100x harder than doing the wrong thing.)
I have been living in India for nearly 5 years, and almost every one of those days has been a blessing. I don't know if India is home for me, but certainly, my corner of Delhi is. People have opened their minds and their hearts to me. They've invited me to their houses, introduced me their friends and parents, and in a million ways made a very difficult and foreign environment feel like home. Professionally, I have been given an incredible amount of opportunity. For every person who has doubted me because I don't know India's soils or its smells or its languages (fluently), there has been another one who has said, "Hey, it doesn't hurt to look at the world through someone else's eyes." Sometimes, people have made assumptions about my character or background, because I'm American. And many times, they have been willing to change their minds.
I have known so many, many young men who are deeply passionate about changing this country, and they are a global inspiration. A friend recently forwarded me a video of Nitin Gupta doing a comedy tour in which he talks about Delhi's rape crisis. When he said "the length of a woman's clothes is not the measure of her character" - I had to write it down. And when I saw how enthusiastically the young men and women in his audience were applauding, I cannot lie to you, I almost cried. I know men who have founded organizations dedicated to fighting street harassment. I know men who are mapping India's safest and most dangerous cities. I have been in conversations when men have stood up for equality between men and women, and yet, with an incredible amount of grace and chivalry, gone hours out of their way to make sure their female friends get dropped home safely at night. I have had men - without being asked - interpose their bodies between me and a potential harasser on a public bus.
I'm a journalist, and I've had editors adopt and promote my stories. I've had bosses give me difficult or out-of-town assignments, without worrying, as some idiots do, about "taking responsibility for a woman's safety." Some of my friends are male journalists who have written brave, impassioned and frequent articles advocating for women's rights.
I know guys who don't just preach feminism, but who practice it daily. They treat their mothers, sisters and wives with dignity, equality, openness and respect. And they do it deliberately, even when they grew up with the examples of fathers and uncles who didn't behave the same way. They do it because they have chosen to live differently. And yes, I know a few spoiled, selfish Delhi boys who are too obtuse to question their own privilege - but let's be honest - those guys are a global scourge.
Perhaps because we in India are so deeply aware of India's problems and flaws, we strive to define ourselves in opposition. I don't want to get into cross-country comparisons. But I do know that there are people who are constantly fighting for their ideals, as well as living them, in this country.
I know what you're thinking. "But Anika, what about men who aren't, say, on Twitter?"
Well, all I can say is that I interact with hundreds of such men in a year. From my watchman to grocery delivery boys to garbage pickers. Not one of them has raped me. In fact, some of them are as far from home as I am, and have still gone out of their way to be helpful. Lechery, while it occurs, is really not my dominant impression of India at all.
Now, do some men commit assault? Do they rape their wives? That is a serious possibility. Their wives have no legal protection.
Because the biggest problems in Indian society, when it comes to women's rights and safety, don't affect foreign women, or even photojournalists living in Mumbai or Delhi. Our Parliamentarians are too craven to criminalize marital rape. Although child marriage is illegal, it is widespread, and so under current laws it is legal to rape a child, provided that child is over fifteen years old and your wife. One of our so-called leaders, in a now-infamous remark, conflated romance with stalking. Surveys have suggested that marital rape is endemic in India - and occurs at higher rates than in other developing countries. The men who attacked the photojournalist may have raped four rag-pickers in the same spot previously - and if they had gone on raping destitute, ignorant women forever, they might never have been caught. The rapes in Mumbai, like the one in Delhi, occurred in well-known, public parts of the city. The police were absent, doing God-knows-what. In Sonia Faleiro's "Beautiful Thing," most of the bar dancers she profiles - poor, stigmatized women - have been raped and gang-raped repeatedly and brutally, and have no recourse. When, after the Delhi rape case, the investigative magazine "Tehelka" interviewed dozens of rural and urban men about rape, they found that some men consider it their right to rape ethnic minorities, villagers and tribal women. Some reports suggest that in the Indian state of Kashmir, rape is regularly used as a weapon of war.
In a society that regularly fails to protect its weakest citizens, women and children suffer the most.
So. In sum. We in India have a serious problem and it requires an urgent solution. We cannot keep neglecting half the population and still move forward as a society. We cannot continue to effectively ignore the poor and the marginalized, and expect to reap growth eternally (growth, at least, appears as distant as a fever-dream right now).
When I decided to move to India five years ago, my mother warned me about the gropers. She sighed and said (almost dismissively) that every Indian girl had at some point been groped, grabbed and/or attacked. A female relative who was present at the time agreed. And honestly - I refused to believe them, and I'm glad I did. Because that, while hideous, is not the only reality. And although she told me about the many brilliant, amazing and compassionate men she'd met in India, she didn't tell me about those who are speaking out against sexism, racism and assault. Daily. It is a difficult task. It is a mission we could all support far more vocally - men and women alike.
To foreign women planning to visit Delhi - be prepared for the fact that anything might happen. Assault is not by any measure a guarantee, but it is a possibility. If you live in a major American city, you're probably already prepared for this reality. For men, the world is an oyster. For women, too often a warzone. But it is wrong of me not to point out that for all of its ills, there are people - many of them men - who are willing to sacrifice their time, effort and comfort in the selfless hope of a better world for their mothers, friends and daughters. Those kinds of men exist everywhere, and Delhi is no exception to that rule, either. You can have a beautiful time here, and it can be home to you also.
---
This post was republished in the September 6, 2013 edition of "India Abroad" magazine.
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